Cat Show. 7/30/2021
VG: It looks like we are going to have an Olympics of crying all over the world, and not just in Tokyo. Tough athletes cry, Washington cops cry, politicians cry. They all go through emotional breakdowns. Mostly, of course, they cry all the way to the bank; still, tears must be a sign of emotional life, so they should not be that bad.
HOBBS: Like everything else, it depends. There are tears of our SOBs and those of their SOBS. When Russian athletes cry from endless stigmatization and abuse that the corrupt Olympic and other sports committees impose on them – it is a sign of weakness. When it is Americans – it is the sign of tremendous courage and strength. They are protecting their mental health, and mental health is the Democracy’s last frontier that has to be protected by all means possible.
ALICE: Indeed it is. It is very hard to remain stable in this increasingly destabilizing world. Russians cheat, hack, and mess around with Democracy and US elections. Chinese pirate, steal secrets and do all other mischief that they always do. They have state programs to support their Olympians. While poor American athletes have nothing except their poor émigré or rural community to fall back onto. Nor can one trust one’s own government. Our establishment had guaranteed us that Russia is finished, that they will be ostracized, demoralized, and kicked out of Olympics. Yet, they dare to be present and win. I myself getting unbalanced from all these contradictions. In fact, being on this show and protecting the truth against you insinuation is such a distressing proposition. I am thinking of quitting. But then again, when I remember the images of crying cops testifying to the Congress – they encourage me to go on. I know that truth, goodness, and American way are constantly under mortal threat. So I am encouraged by the wonderful example of those courageous men and women who on January 6 singlehandedly defended our democracy, because all other institutions, which were supposed to defend it, were safely stored in the Capitol’s closets for the duration of this awful insurrection.
HOBBS: Poor Alice. Like Hamlet, she is faced with an awful situation when “time is out of joint” and she is called to set it right. What can be more noble than a crying defender of all things noble, unless it is a crying crocodile, who always defends the rights of its victims before consuming them. In fact, all these people that we’ve seen in abundance recently – from Merkel attending flooding areas, to Democrats defending themselves from the masses whom they consistently and methodically ignore – they are the crying crocodiles. And by the way, it does not come natural for crocodiles to cry. They has to learn it. Same applies to the most aggressive and vicious people who always climb to the top of social ladder. That's why they have to be enlisted in the most elite universities where they learn to cry for their historical and current victims. This is XXI century after all. You are supposed to cry for your victims.
VG: Indeed, that’s the case. That’s explains why Americans are always crying for Cubans, Venezuelans, Iraqis or Afghanis and are always trying to save them. State Department should be renamed the Crying Foreign Meddling Department, and Pentagon – Crying Defense Department, and CIA into Crying Intelligence Agency. Lucky bastards wouldn’t even have to change their acronym. Crying is very important in today’s world. You can’t just enjoy the status of a star, billionaire, top general without crying. Not everyone can get away with an evil laughter like Bezos did after flying to space, or like Hillary did, when she joked about Qaddafi: “We came, we saw, he died.” In fact, she didn’t get away. Had she cried on TV about it, and about all other misery that she’s imposed on thousands of innocents, she would have been crying all the way to the White House.
HOBBS: No wonder, they never accept my applications to join Democratic party. I apply again and again – after all, that’s the only way to succeed in today’s world of entertainment and media -- yet, they always turn me down. As opposed to Alice, who has recently been appointed the head of the Fraternal Order of Democratic Cats of Rhode Island.
ALICE: You are not trying hard enough, you rascal. First you have to start every application with denouncing Trump, the biggest threat to the world democracy ever since Greeks invented the term. Then you have to attack autocratic regimes like Russia and China. Then you have to cry a river for all the Republican victims. Only then you can get accepted into our glorious party of poor rich girls, poor rich bankers, poor rich stars, and poor rich athletes.
HOBBS: I share your pain, Alice. Along with the pain of all other poor rich crying crocodiles. I remember there was a hit film in the nineties: Crying Game. Irish, being on the receiving end of British crocodile tears for centuries, had finally figured it all out: you kill and you cry. That film had ushered in the whole new era. And not just in the West. In fact, to join the west, that’s exactly what you have to do. In old mafia days, you are in, if you just whacked someone. Nowadays, you also have to cry. Once Poles began to cry for the Jews they helped to wipe out from their territory, they joined EU. Ukrainians are crying like babies for their victims, from Jews to Poles and communists while enjoying all the wealth and territory which these groups left behind. Even Canadians are now crying all over the first nations’ children that they’ve stole from their parents and educated all the way into nameless graves. And we are talking about tough Canadians who play brutal hockey and never cry over anything, unless it is poor Ukrainians, brutalized by evil Russians.
VG: Well, we are out of time. Let’s hope that the audience also had a chance to cry… At least from laughter.
