Cat Show 4/2/2021

VG: So the April 1 has vanished without any particularly good jokes in sight. Biden didn’t fall off the stairs, Trump didn’t reveal his taxes, Putin didn’t fail to poison another famous Russian dissident. Even Fauci didn’t declare another super dangerous variant of virus. As Stalin would say, life is getting better; life is getting more boring, dear Comrades.

HOBBS: There was one joke, though. Biden had finally reveal all members of his cabinet, and there is not a single Asian American there. For the PC tsar, who would not move an inch without calculating percentage of one’s ethnicity, sexuality, or gender, this is a cruel joke thrown into the face of his ardent supporters. Why couldn’t he use Mitch McConnell’s wife for God’s sake? Even Trump found some good use of her.

ALICE: Why are you paying attention to these insignificant details, when Biden is shocking the world with his bold plans and initiatives? Two billion into infrastructure? That would give plenty of jobs to thousands of people, let alone bringing US infrastructure to the XX century level. And with these tempo will catch up with XXI century in about 79 years. And in terms of Asian American, don’t forget Kamala. This wonder woman – is everyone’s hero. Cops and criminals, whites and blacks, Asians and Africans, rich and poor, intellectuals and commoners. Ever since she declared that she was waiting for this bus, that Biden forgot to send for her during his racist days, she became everyone’s darling.

HOBBS: Sure, how can you resist “a little girl in California story”? Had she been in Kansas, she could have been flown to school in another state, but not in California, where people have to drive. So I imagine of these 2 billion dollars a lot will go to California, where they intend to fix a few roads that connect all sorts of new military installations that they are going to build with these money. Speaking of Kamala: in her tearjerker story she forgot to mention that the buses were running through the parallel street. But what does an eight year old girl know?

VG: I still wonder, who is advising Biden on these matters? For everyone outside of Alice’s circle of fanatics, the absence of Asian Americans in the Presidential cabinet is a grim reminder of the evil days of Trump. We take your money, we take your votes, but we are not putting you into the government. Democrats used to play these tricks with Jews, but no longer. Now the cabinet is adorned with this brilliant Diplomat, Blinken, who didn’t blink in front of Chinese and insulted them right in their face during their recent meeting in Alaska.

HOBBS: Is it only me, who thinks that Blinken looks like Jeffrey Epstein’s good brother? Maybe Epstein even taught Blinken when they both were at Dalton School in Manhattan. I wonder though, what exactly Epstein could have taught Blinken? Maybe diplomacy? From what I understand, he must have been very good at diplomacy, since he was famous for getting along with all sorts of politicians and royals. In any case, I know very well who advises Biden. It is his German Shepherd, called Major. The one who keeps on biting people.

ALICE: I can’t believe I have to deal with that level of discourse. I can put up with your crass jokes about Epstein and Blinken, but why bring a dog in? A biting one to boot? And a German Shepherd? Honestly, Biden should be careful with his support base. We can put up with the absence of Chinese in his cabinet, because we liberals are very good at making excuses for our favorite politicians. In fact, it is the only thing we are good at. But listening to a dog? Bringing biting dogs into a White House, as if there are not enough biting dogs in Washington? It is unacceptable even for the staunch supporters like me.

HOBBS: Alice, just wait till the Guardian explains it away. They would quote Slavoj Zizek, who’d pontificate that a biting dog is the perfect emblem of the late stage of capitalism, as it represents the dialectical mirror image of post-liberal state of cultural over-saturation of under-signification, in Alain Badiou understanding of the term, of course.

ALICE: No amount of bad IOUs-- will justify a presence of dogs in the White House. And you are talking to a person who’s collected a lot of bad IOUs from Democrats. These nasty, dirty, smelly creatures who attack and bite not just humans - -which would be perfectly understandable - -but even us, cats. I am getting slightly disappointed with Biden, and your Zizek defense didn’t help me much, either.

VG: Zizek defense never helped anyone except Zizek, that’s the definition of it. Had it been effective, Guardian would have never published it. And that’s the definition of The Guardian. But all in all, I am glad, Alice, that you are beginning to see the light about your darling politician.

HOBBS: Wait till she hears that this dog’s name is Major. Major! Such a non PC name. Why could he call the dog Merkel or something. Well, at least it is not a Sturmbannführer or something - -a perfect name for this dog as far as I can tell. No wonder this dog advised Biden to bite Putin.

ALICE: Oh, no. Don’t rub it in, please. What a sexist name! Why it was never reported before? Why Rachel Maddow was sitting on it? Why Oprah didn’t interview all the major victims of Major? Why Masha Gessen didn’t expose this Major as a major killer who issues orders even to Putin? I feel so angry, I am definitely cancelling the dog, and I need to calm down, before I get carried away and cancel Biden. Let’s go for a break or call it a day.

VG: Lucky for you, Alice, we are out of time. I am so sorry about your disappointment. Make sure to listen to NPR, they’ll spin it one way or another, like they did the AP reports about the inhuman conditions in one of those refugee children centers in Texas, which Biden had flooded with helpless kids from across the border.